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106.7No, it's not my favorite radio station.
It's the temperature at which brain cells are permanently destroyed, and you begin to lose functions and cognitive abilities.
It's also the temperature at which McPheever manifests itself. After doing a little research because of what I thought was a faulty thermometer reading while checking to see if I had a cold, I ran across the following notice published last week in the Journal of Infectious Disease and Viral Contamination:
A new malady known as McPheever is sweeping the nation. As of now, there is no known cure, and the potential for widespread epidemic infection is causing concern at the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta. According to CDC, approximately 200,000 to 300,000 individuals have contracted the disease since January, and the virus could conceivably infect several million within the next two years. "There's just no way of predicting what the ultimate numbers could be," said a spokesperson. "It spreads more rapidly than anything we've seen since some of the killer fevers of the last century. Unfortunately, it is extremely infectious, and one carrier, a la Typhoid Mary, can literally infect thousands within a couple of days."
While experts are advising people not to panic, they admit they know little about McPheever. "It just showed up on the scope one day. The first recorded case was in San Francisco and within a period of days, there were similar cases in Houston, Chicago and New York. Outbreaks have been reported as far away as Indonesia and Norway. We've had difficulty charting the spread of the disease, since most of the victims, while technically brain dead, appear to function as normal," said a doctor associated with the McPheever unit at John's Hopkins Medical Institute. "One interesting manifestation of the disease common to all of the victims is a relationship to a woman named Katharine. We're not sure exactly how she fits into this, or if she even exists outside of their toasted minds, but her name appears on every single patient survey we've conducted. They also all refer to themselves as KatPhans, whatever that is."
Symptoms vary widely, but the CDC advises to be on the lookout for the following behavior patterns in someone suspected of suffering McPheever:
Temperature in excess of 106.7F.
Inability to thnk about anything except Katharine.
Inordinate amount of time spent on the computer looking for Katharine.
Roaming the aisles of WalMart, especially the music section, specifically late at night.
Having all slots in a multiple disc CD changer filled with copies of the same CD, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/My Destiny".
Uncontrollable desire to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/My Destiny".
Handwritten letters to Katharine left in desk drawers, on the kitchen table or tucked away in a shoebox in the closet.
Large collections of photos of Katharine, especially in the "My Documents/My Pictures/Katharine" folder on the computer.
Large collections of videos of Katharine, especially in the "My Documents/My Videos/Katharine" folder on the computer.
Saying "Katharine" more than twice, out loud, while sleeping.
The CDC advises not to panic or rush a patient to the emergency room if any of the above symptoms are seen in the primary patient or a family member. At first, emergency rooms were overwhelmed with victims suffering McPheever, but triage stations were set up at the front door after it was discovered that a simple diagnosis could be made by asking the patient "What are you doing here?" and receiving a response of "Looking for Katharine". All that could be done for the victims was to send them home and advise that they be monitored closely. So far, no deaths have been recorded as a result of McPheever.
The CDC and Johns Hopkins Medical Institute request that in order to help them recognize more subtle symptoms of McPheever, you indicate in the "reply" section any symptoms you may have noticed, either in yourself or others, that could possibly be attributed to McPheever.