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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction
Subject: "The Macy's Jam"
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Username: KatFan49
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08/24/2006 7:34 PM Alert 
The Hollywood Tattletale
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The Macy's Jam

New York - Clueless Press International   Macy's Stores, Incorporated, today announced that they will be hosting a fund-raising event to benefit disadvantaged children. Riding on the coattails of the successful JC Penney Jam, Macy's anticipates that the benefit will raise awareness of this important social need, and will generate revenue which will be used to fund programs directed to easing the burden on the already strained budgets of existing programs.

"We want this to be the most successful benefit program ever," said a company spokesperson. "We don't know much about the music industry since we deal primarily in clothing, jewelry and cosmetics, but we have enlisted the help of Mr. David Foster, producer extraordinaire. Using the lessons learned putting the JCP Jam together, we feel that a vastly superior product can be provided."

Following up, we contacted the office of Mr. Foster, who graciously agreed to answer a few questions.

"Mr. Foster, the JC Penney Jam was very successful. If you were to change anything, what would it be?"

"Two hours of Katharine McPhee."

"What would you do to help increase donations to the charity?"

"Two hours of Katharine McPhee."

"I understand that you are going to be working with her on a future album. What would you like to see on the album?"

"Two hours of Katharine McPhee."

"Taylor Hicks was the American Idol this year. Would you do a charity benefit with him?"

"For about five minutes."

So, it looks like the Macy's Jam will be an even bigger success than the JC Penney Jam. After all, two hours of Katharine McPhee is just what Mr. Foster ordered. And he's the doctor.
Katharine's summer is full of hope, full of potential, and promises to provide many bouquets to grace the home that I call my heart.

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08/24/2006 8:18 PM Alert 
If only...if only...
KAT IN GLASSES!!!

*August 16, 2006 1:50 am...Mutt and I in the chat screaming our butts off...good times!!

Met Kat at the Kimmel show, February 7, 2007!
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08/25/2006 7:29 AM Alert 
TWO HOURS OF MCPHEE - yah!

Looking forward to teh macy's jam.... 2 HOURS of Mcphee -- YES!!!!!
Username: MY_Idol_Katharine
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08/25/2006 7:46 AM Alert 
LOL! GO DAVID FOSTER!!!! <3 That just made my day.
Dave rocks!

-xoxo Megan
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08/25/2006 8:44 AM Alert 
TDD didn’t manage to get into Macy’s for interviews regarding this TV special with Katharine to help children’s causes—but they did manage to talk to inside business sources that say a possible massive department store merger may be in the works before the end of the year that could dramatically shift the meaning behind this event. According to an anonymous Wall Street insider, Macy’s may be merging with J.C. Penney, Target, Sears, Kohl’s and Nordstrom’s before the Thanksgiving holiday season. Rumors are persisting, too, that the merge would also include Carl’s Jr. and Meineke shops. That means one giant department store under the Macy’s banner that sells everything...including carnivore hamburgers and getting new mufflers on your car in the parking garage while you shop.

Of course, while centralized mergers aren’t the best for American capitalism, it’ll still be under the Macy’s banner. And the good news is that the TV special will be able to include more Katharine, because of her association with J.C. Penney. Even audience casting has already started, and those women with the cowboy hats seen in the audience at the J.C. Penney Jams special have been hired to be in the audience at the Macy’s-produced show.

TDD also managed to dig up some private records that say—after the giant merger—Macy’s plans a very huge ad campaign involving Katharine. One of the first steps will be incorporating her into the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this coming Thanksgiving. According to these unconfirmed records, they’ve already tested out a new CGI effect that will enable Katharine to be ALL of the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes who always perform on the parade every year. In this same report, the CEO of Macy’s reportedly required hospitalization at one point this summer after seeing Katharine’s legs for this possible unprecedented event on the 2006 parade.

But the possible piece de resistance of all this is the creation and debut of a giant balloon in the likeness of Katharine for the parade. Reportedly, it’ll be the most realistic balloon ever—and be made to look like she did during ‘I Have Nothing’ where she’s wearing the yellow dress. And then there’s the reports of her performing ALL the numbers of the Broadway shows showcased on the parade—so you can be sure TDD will be following this closely.

At press time, though, TDD also received word that the rumours behind this heavy involvement of Katharine with Macy’s has already made men around the world set up waiting camps along the streets of NYC for the parade. According to interviews with some, they’re all waiting eagerly for the Katharine ‘IHN’/yellow dress balloon to fly over them--while holding group prayer sessions the wind will make it land on them Thanksgiving morning.
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08/25/2006 9:02 AM Alert 
that is awesome!!! David Foster ROCKS!!!!! 2 HOURS OF KAT!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!
"Why is it if a woman says something back to the judges with confidence, she's labeled a snob?"
- Katharine McPhee

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08/25/2006 9:34 AM Alert 
Posted By Gregoriancant on 08/25/2006 8:44 AM
TDD didn’t manage to get into Macy’s for interviews regarding this TV special with Katharine to help children’s causes—but they did manage to talk to inside business sources that say a possible massive department store merger may be in the works before the end of the year that could dramatically shift the meaning behind this event. According to an anonymous Wall Street insider, Macy’s may be merging with J.C. Penney, Target, Sears, Kohl’s and Nordstrom’s before the Thanksgiving holiday season. Rumors are persisting, too, that the merge would also include Carl’s Jr. and Meineke shops. That means one giant department store under the Macy’s banner that sells everything...including carnivore hamburgers and getting new mufflers on your car in the parking garage while you shop.

Of course, while centralized mergers aren’t the best for American capitalism, it’ll still be under the Macy’s banner. And the good news is that the TV special will be able to include more Katharine, because of her association with J.C. Penney. Even audience casting has already started, and those women with the cowboy hats seen in the audience at the J.C. Penney Jams special have been hired to be in the audience at the Macy’s-produced show.

TDD also managed to dig up some private records that say—after the giant merger—Macy’s plans a very huge ad campaign involving Katharine. One of the first steps will be incorporating her into the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this coming Thanksgiving. According to these unconfirmed records, they’ve already tested out a new CGI effect that will enable Katharine to be ALL of the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes who always perform on the parade every year. In this same report, the CEO of Macy’s reportedly required hospitalization at one point this summer after seeing Katharine’s legs for this possible unprecedented event on the 2006 parade.

But the possible piece de resistance of all this is the creation and debut of a giant balloon in the likeness of Katharine for the parade. Reportedly, it’ll be the most realistic balloon ever—and be made to look like she did during ‘I Have Nothing’ where she’s wearing the yellow dress. And then there’s the reports of her performing ALL the numbers of the Broadway shows showcased on the parade—so you can be sure TDD will be following this closely.

At press time, though, TDD also received word that the rumours behind this heavy involvement of Katharine with Macy’s has already made men around the world set up waiting camps along the streets of NYC for the parade. According to interviews with some, they’re all waiting eagerly for the Katharine ‘IHN’/yellow dress balloon to fly over them--while holding group prayer sessions the wind will make it land on them Thanksgiving morning.

wow, didnt know that, little chinaman once said, you funny lady!
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08/25/2006 1:44 PM Alert 
Posted By Gregoriancant on 08/25/2006 8:44 AM
TDD didn’t manage to get into Macy’s for interviews regarding this TV special with Katharine to help children’s causes—but they did manage to talk to inside business sources that say a possible massive department store merger may be in the works before the end of the year that could dramatically shift the meaning behind this event. According to an anonymous Wall Street insider, Macy’s may be merging with J.C. Penney, Target, Sears, Kohl’s and Nordstrom’s before the Thanksgiving holiday season. Rumors are persisting, too, that the merge would also include Carl’s Jr. and Meineke shops. That means one giant department store under the Macy’s banner that sells everything...including carnivore hamburgers and getting new mufflers on your car in the parking garage while you shop.

Of course, while centralized mergers aren’t the best for American capitalism, it’ll still be under the Macy’s banner. And the good news is that the TV special will be able to include more Katharine, because of her association with J.C. Penney. Even audience casting has already started, and those women with the cowboy hats seen in the audience at the J.C. Penney Jams special have been hired to be in the audience at the Macy’s-produced show.

TDD also managed to dig up some private records that say—after the giant merger—Macy’s plans a very huge ad campaign involving Katharine. One of the first steps will be incorporating her into the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this coming Thanksgiving. According to these unconfirmed records, they’ve already tested out a new CGI effect that will enable Katharine to be ALL of the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes who always perform on the parade every year. In this same report, the CEO of Macy’s reportedly required hospitalization at one point this summer after seeing Katharine’s legs for this possible unprecedented event on the 2006 parade.

But the possible piece de resistance of all this is the creation and debut of a giant balloon in the likeness of Katharine for the parade. Reportedly, it’ll be the most realistic balloon ever—and be made to look like she did during ‘I Have Nothing’ where she’s wearing the yellow dress. And then there’s the reports of her performing ALL the numbers of the Broadway shows showcased on the parade—so you can be sure TDD will be following this closely.

At press time, though, TDD also received word that the rumours behind this heavy involvement of Katharine with Macy’s has already made men around the world set up waiting camps along the streets of NYC for the parade. According to interviews with some, they’re all waiting eagerly for the Katharine ‘IHN’/yellow dress balloon to fly over them--while holding group prayer sessions the wind will make it land on them Thanksgiving morning.
OMG WOW! this is so awsome!!!

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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction > "The Macy's Jam"


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