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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction
Subject: "New Planets to be American Idols"
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Username: KatFan49
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Katharine Addict
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Location: Just outside the Capitol of the Free World


Member Since 7/8/2006
08/17/2006 12:26 AM Alert 
The Hollywood Tattletale
"If you subscribe to us...you need a life"

New Planets to be American Idols

Geneva - Clueless Press International   The International Astronomical Union today announced plans to introduce three new planets to our solar system, increasing the number from the current nine to a total of twelve.

Scientists are debating what really constitutes a planet, but they all seem to agree that a planet must have enough gravity to attract other objects and possibly form their own moons.

"We have decided that the best candidates for planetary nomination are three female winners of the hit television reality show American Idol", said a Union representative. "There is currenlty only one planet named after a female, Venus. The rest are all male: Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus (that has got to be a male name, right?) and Neptune. One is named after a dog, Pluto. Earth is, well, earth. So it only seems fair that females are given top priority here in order to narrow the gender gap."

The new planets will be Kelly, Carrie and Katharine. There was some debate about whether Katharine should qualify as a new planet since she didn't actually win American Idol, but a majority of scientists felt that it was only fitting because she should have won. Fantasia was considered, but a lingering lawsuit with the Disney Corporation over copyright issues surrounding the name Pluto was enough to nix the idea. "Our attorneys felt that we would jeopardize our defense if we were to introduce yet another Disney related name into the solar system," said the spokesman.

Astronomers the world over, both professionals and amateurs, are excited about the new planets. "I can hardly wait to see the incredible images of Katharine taken through the Hubble Telescope," said one.
Katharine's summer is full of hope, full of potential, and promises to provide many bouquets to grace the home that I call my heart.

www.myspace.com/katfan49
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Username: shinamarih
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Location: Laguna, Philippines


Member Since 7/16/2006
08/17/2006 1:27 AM Alert 
An Update: Tuna from Laguna of The Daily Dung

This just in: Sources from the International Astronomical Union have just confirmed that with the looming shrinking of the Planet Pluto, astronomers are planning to add another planet as replacement and that this new planet shall also be named after one of the American Idols.

"We need to maintain the number of the planets to 12 because our astronomers have long been fighting off bad omens. Our resident fortune teller, Mme. Bazongga Trelawney, has predicted that if the planets do not amount to 12, Taylor Hicks' hair will become platinum blonde and he will start to breakdance on the streets of New York and will never stop," said an anonymous high ranking official over at IAU. He further says that the new planet shall be named after a male Idol, since Pluto's gender on Disney cartoons was male. No word yet on the official choices of names, but this high ranking official has this to say, "As based from Mme. Trelawney's prediction, Taylor will be an unanimous shoo-in for the name choices."
ALL YOU HATERS AND BASHERS, TAKE HEED!!!

"One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean, take her or leave her, she will still be the same..Only the curious have something to find, it's KATHARINE on this side."

Excerpt from This Side by Nickelcreek

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Please check out my blog!!!

http://musingsandmumblings.blogspot.com
Username: Gregoriancant
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Location: Oregon, USA


Member Since 5/26/2006
08/17/2006 4:46 AM Alert 
The Daily Dung tried to get into the TIAU to interview reps yesterday--but when the reps there found out TDD hadn't even paid their own dues with the International Rags Union--they were kicked out. But TDD is resilient and managed to land a quick interview with the man in charge of renaming the planets after the Idols. Former astronomer, Bob 'Flomax' Uranus, headed the undercover think tank that brainstormed for new name ideas of the planets. He's a born American living in a home near Geneva where the TIAU meeting was taking place.

TDD managed to shake it out of Bob that he watched all of 'AI' this last season because of Katharine. In fact, in an uninhibited burst of revelations, he told TDD that he used secret satellite technology to watch the live feeds of each broadcast. He actually saw Katharine's famous 'WWTLF' dress rehearsal performance that the public never saw. He also overheard private convos when the east coast feed was going to commercial. It seems that he could hear Simon tell Katharine one night that someday she'd have a planet named after her--that's how huge she'd be. Paula was overheard saying that she was having a huge feeling of dread that Mars was going to crash into her house. Randy didn't say much of anything--even though he was heard at one point rambling off his knowledge of the general theory of relativity as applies to gravity in our universe. It showed that the judges actually did think outside their own atmosphere when they wanted to. And the thought of Kat being named after a planet made Bob have a synapse after secretly being involved already then in the renaming of the planets.

Then Bob gave TDD another bomshell. He showed a secret file from archaelogists working for underground organizations that found evidence of two Greek Gods named after the planets actually had different names from what was put in the history books. It turns out there really was a god named Taylor--plus a female goddess named Katharine (though spelled 'Katherine' then). It was said that when Taylor would impose his magic on his followers, he'd play some primitive-sounding piece on something that resembled a giant pan flute. Then he'd do some strange dance that made Mount Olympus shake as if a tremblor was going to bring it down.

There was a female god, though, who competed for as many followers as Taylor got. She was said to have a singing voice as beautiful and pure as the Mediterranean Sea was in those days. But she was misunderstood and would sometimes sit down on Mount Olympus to sing to her followers intimately rather than singing like an almighty goddess should. This confused the Greek masses...even though it seemed Socrates and Plato seemed to understand what was going on. They even wrote long-lost texts on the Taylor/Katherine phenomena and how it was also a workable blueprint on the meaning of democracy.

As amazing as all this was--there's no way to verify it. But Bob told TDD that the names 'Katherine' and 'Taylor' were applied to Venus and Mars, respectively, for a short time before being decided upon to be named by the names they are now. There's even rumours of a new relationship book coming out called 'Katharine Fans are from Venus and Taylor Fans are from Mars.'

Right before TDD left Bob's home--he was about to spill some information that said NASA was hiding secret footage of that famous face found on the surface of Mars. Apparently recent photograph analysis shows that the face had a carved depiction of a white mane of hair and a mouth harp in its mouth. He said NASA will never release that information publically. He also said that recent up-close footage of Venus shows a face on its own surface that looks very beautiful...with initials carved into the ground that look like KHM.

TDD wanted Bob to suggest that Taylor and Katharine have descendants from there...but he refused until this info manages to get into the mainstream...in 2052.
Username: physicshater
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Member Since 5/13/2006
08/17/2006 5:02 AM Alert 
*trying to catch up my breath*
oh g..osh... hilar..ious.....
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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction > "New Planets to be American Idols"


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