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Subject: The Daily Dung--'The trip to investigate the backstage trip...'

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Username: Gregoriancant
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Location: Oregon, USA

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08/05/2006 10:47 AM	Alert
The Daily Dung--‘The Trip to Investigate The Backstage Trip’... The Friday (8/4) edition of TDD had a headliner story from newly-hired hotshot reporter there, Ms. Toti Present. She previously worked at Fox’s entertainment division as a Hyperbole Specialist...working closely with Geraldo Rivera and the Fox reality show division. She was formerly married to the TDD’s other crackerjack reporter, Omni Present,—who happens to be the cousin of THE star reporter, Omni Scient. Just last week, at a celebration of Mr. Present’s 1,000th Daily Dung story, Ms. Present warbled ‘Thanks for the Memorex’ for her former husband while lounging on top of an old church organ. Of course, TDD could have had a field day with that headline—but they left it alone for their own kind. Ms. Present being a fan of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys (reportedly, she was once thrown off the set of the old 70’s ‘Hardy Boys’ show for stalking and exclaiming she was the new Nancy Drew on the series)—she decided to take on the mystery of Katharine’s accident backstage at the Charlotte, NC show earlier in the week. Rumors have been abounding what exactly it was that caused Kat to trip and cause that hairline fracture in her McFoot. Based on witnesses and random, anonymous (yet fuzzy) cell phone footage—Ms. Present attempted to piece it all together to get a definitive answer. With no materials with her other than a giant spyglass and her wicked sharp investigative skills, she found out some interesting things. One of her first interviews was with the ‘AI’ stage manager who was in Duluth, GA at the time of this interview—but was willing to talk to Ms. Present via cell phone about what he saw in Charlotte. The stage manager claimed he witnessed a new device sold on the black market--called a heel deflator strip—being spread on the backstage floor by a couple of guys that run the sound board. Ms. Present says that the stage manager sent her a video email attachment containing his own cell camera footage. Unfortunately, most of the footage was shaky as if an earthquake was occurring during the moment and looked more like the sound board techs were laying down some kind of carpet instead. Later, the stage manager admitted that Kat was standing not too far away from him and that she always caused his hands to shake. Apparently the cell camera battery also went dead from overexposure to sweat. To try to find proof of a heel deflator strip—Ms. Present went online and Googled the term. She found one site that mentioned it—though it somehow forwarded her to an obscure fansite for someone named Travis Hicks. After doing some further investigating, it turns out that Taylor Hicks had a long-lost brother by that name who’s 8-feet, 4-inches tall—and enjoys playing accordion, banjo, pan flute and designed a giant harmonica that’s ten times the size of a normal one. It seems he put a patent out on the instrument and it packs quite a wallop of sound when played just right. Apparently he does concerts down in parts of the southern U.S. to sold-out crowds of 5 and has considered auditioning on ‘AI.’ Ms. Present suspected Travis was there in Charlotte the night of Ms. McPhee’s accident after someone sent an anonymous email showing cell camera footage of a very tall, (yes, dark-haired) man carrying a giant case that could possibly contain a giant mouth harp. This footage kept bobbing around in erratic movements, though—and the anonymous sender admitted he or she was hiding in a precarious place where they had to balance the cell cam on their nose. It was quite noticeable that the tall person in the video kept bumping his head on the ceiling every time he’d sit up straight. This led Ms. Present back to the Charlotte venue where the ‘AI’ show was after a tip that Travis Hicks was doing a gig there late this last week. Visiting there, she snuck backstage and managed to hide herself in a place where she watched Mr. Hicks and his manager prepare for the show. She managed to take out her spyglass to witness Travis taking his giant harmonica out of the case, practice on it for a bit, and then set it down on the floor (mouth side up). Ms. Present thought she recognized his manager’s voice—and it turned out to be the stage manager she had talked to and who was at last week’s ‘AI’ show. From all appearances, the stage manager used the heel deflator strip as a ruse for Travis’s giant mouth harp being the possible culprit for Miss McPhee’s accident last week. All that possibly to avoid a lawsuit. It appeared to be a ritual for Travis to set the giant mouth harp on the floor wherever he went. That way he could pick it up and play it whenever the soul moved him. Without wanting to give herself away, Ms. Present just decided to do what Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys or Sherlock Holmes’s younger brother would do: Try to contact Taylor Hicks for some kind of comment that would solve it once and for all. Upon contacting Taylor on Friday evening, TDD released this partial transcript of that phone call: Ms. Present: "So you’re admitting that your long-lost brother likes to set his giant mouth harp on the backstage floor where lots of people walk by?" Taylor: "Hey, I respect a mouth harp sitting anywhere. It makes it sacred ground for me. And Travis can’t carry that giant thing around in his pocket." Ms. Present: "Miss McPhee tripped on it, didn’t she?" Taylor: "Well, ok…she did, but I caught her in time before she hurt herself—and then she stepped on this strip thing nearby that deflated her heel and turned her foot in the wrong direction. I sort of blame myself for it, because I’m her big brother and always trying to keep her safe from any obstacles." Ms. Present realizes now that this situation was a risk turned into a scheme...turned into an accident. It’s one for the record books, but it could have been worse with TDD investigating someone with a receding hairline getting a fracture on his head.

Username: Minnie
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Member Since 7/14/2006

08/05/2006 5:48 PM	Alert
Hilarious! Thanks for another informative edition from "The Daily Dung".

We are definitely working together -- working on a record together. She sings so magnificently, it's just amazing -David Foster-

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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction > The Daily Dung--'The trip to investigate the backstage trip...'

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