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Washington - Clueless Press International This reporter met with the President of the United States, George W. Bush, shortly after the American Idol crew had left. The press office had stated that the President was "aware" of the show, but I wanted to get the real story directly from him. Our conversation in the oval office follows.
"Mr. President, thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to talk with me about the American Idols you just met. It's been said that you don't watch the show. Is that true?"
"Well, to be honest here, I did manage to keep Tuesday and Wednesday nights open. Not much happens in the world on those nights. Me and some of the staff would sit around and watch down in the situation room. You ever watch American Idol on forty high definition monitors at once? Now, that's cool."
"But isn't the situation room supposed to be monitoring foreign threats and national security status?"
"Hey, being the President has its priviledges. I set the priorities around here."
"Did you ever vote?"
"Sure. How do you think I got here?"
"No, I mean for a favorite on American Idol?"
"Oh. Well, between you and me - there are about a thousand phones between here and the executive offices. I just send out an executive order to dial 1-866-436-570whatever, and those votes start pouring in for the next two hours. We have a heck of an automated text messaging system here too. Probably 5,000 messages a minute."
"Mind telling me who you voted for?"
"Well, everyone thinks I was a Soul Patroller. That's misdirection. I learned it from the CIA. Between you and me, McPheever's got me."
"So, let me ask you about the individual idols. I'll go through their names, and you just tell me what you thought of them after meeting them today."
"OK"
"Lisa."
"How old is she? I'm four times older than her and I can't talk as good as she sings."
"Mandisa."
"She's the hugger, right? My ribs still hurt."
"Bucky."
"Bucky's just ducky. Ha ha. Get it? Bucky...ducky."
"Ace."
"I like a man who plays poker. He does play poker doesn't he? I mean, why's he named Ace?"
"Kellie."
"She's funny. Didn't she do a duet with a lobster or something?"
"Paris."
"Well now, you shouldn't have to ask how I feel about the French."
"Chris."
"You know, rock music never did much for me, starting with the Monkeys."
"Elliott."
"Oh yeah, he showed up late. Must not always ride the same day he saddles his horse."
"Katharine."
"Whoooee! After we're done here, I'm off to Bethesda Naval Hospital to have this McPheever looked at."
"Taylor."
"Did the pressure do that to his hair? I mean, look what it's done to mine."
"Thank you, Mr. President."