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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction
Subject: "Hicks to Star in Movie?"
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Username: KatFan49
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09/27/2006 3:35 PM Alert 
The Hollywood Tattletale
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Hicks to Star in Movie?
Hollywood - Clueless Press International       American Idol contestants are apparently in great demand outside of the normal career path of music and concert performances. It has been widely rumored that Katharine McPhee is being considered for the part of Wonder Woman as well as a main character in the Hollywood adaptation of the Broadway smash "Wicked".

Well - not to be outdone - the current American Idol, Taylor Hicks, reportedly is up for consideration for a movie of his own. According to my sources, Hollywood is turning a TV legend into a movie, and Mr. Hicks is in the prime position to make his bid for having his hand and foot prints permanently imbedded in the sidewalk outside Grauman's Chinese Theater.

"With his gray hair and older look, Mr. Hicks is exactly what we are looking for in someone to revive Captain Kangaroo," said my industry insider. "Making a legendary children's television show into a full-length movie is something that we have been trying for years to do properly. I mean, that whole PeeWee Herman thing just so totally blew up in our faces that everyone has shied away from pursuing this type of movie. Mr. Hicks, with his goofy attitude, down home image and remarkable resemblance to the Captain has spurred interest again in this novel approach to films that will hopefully bring children and their parents out to spend their money at the local theater. America, and especially the industry, needs the wholesome image that Captain Kangaroo would bring to the forefront."

Rumors also abound that the part of Clarabell the Clown may go to another American Idol icon, judge Paula Abdul. "She would absolutely die to have another chance at performing with her idol, Mr. Hicks," says my source.





Katharine's summer is full of hope, full of potential, and promises to provide many bouquets to grace the home that I call my heart.

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09/27/2006 3:42 PM Alert 
Nuh uh!
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09/27/2006 3:49 PM Alert 

hahahah that made me laugh!

Paula and Taylor in a movie

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09/27/2006 3:52 PM Alert 
Okay way for me NOT to read the whole article! I didnt read the title of the article haha, OOPS!
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09/27/2006 3:54 PM Alert 
That was a "wicked" piece of satire... ROFLMAO
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09/27/2006 4:46 PM Alert 
Gosh, Don another good one that tickled my funnybone. Some of the youngsters on this site may not have ever heard of Captain Kangaroo. Paula would make a good Clarabell the clown.
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09/27/2006 7:17 PM Alert 
Phew! I'm so glad to see this edition of "...Tattletale here. I've missed reading it. Yeah, I knew Taylor reminded me of someone... he's Bob Keeshan's grandson. TY, Don!
We are definitely working together -- working on a record together. She sings so magnificently, it's just amazing -David Foster-
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09/28/2006 4:20 AM Alert 
I can remember the last years of 'Captain Kangaroo' on Saturday mornings--even though I was more into the daily 'Sesame Street.' But before I digress on that--let me mention that The Daily Dung had to do a counter report on this Taylor story once it hit the newswires at THT today. TDD wanted to get a quote from Captain Kangaroo (Bob Keeshan) himself, despite several of the star reporters having to be reminded that Mr. Keeshan died over two years ago. You see, a lot of them have had their heads stuck in caves--among other places--for the last five years. It's only been in the last year that they found out the world was a little different from when they left it.

Not to be undeterred, though, Mr. Omni Present thought that the TDD should attempt to contact famous Hollywood psychic/medium to the dead stars, Kenny Kingston, to see if he could contact Captain Kangaroo to get a quote. Heading out to L.A.,TDD's reporters say Mr. Kingston has a new toupee now that looks fairly similar to Captain Kangaroo's old wig--but the reporters didn't find it overly distracting. Mr. Kingston seems to believe that he actually talks to dead Hollywood stars, so everybody went along with it. He knew the TDD reporters would be there, and set up a mini Captain Kangaroo seance complete with falling ping-pong balls, actual replicas of Mr. Moose, Bunny Rabbit and Dancing Bear sitting on chairs around the table...plus a cardboard cutout figure of Mr. Greenjeans standing nearby.

Upon first attempt at contact--Mr. Kingston's Captain Kangaroo wig started to levitate...which seemed to be a sign that Mr. Keeshan was communicating. Kingston's eyes then started rolling into the back of his head as he started talking in a soft, Captain Kangaroo-like voice. Nobody could figure why he was talking all in tongues at first though. Finally, the actual voice of Captain Kangaroo was coming through him, which I quote verbatim from TDD's article:

"Hello everybody! I'm doing just fine--and I actually enjoy 'American Idol' up here. All of us old-timers who appreciated TV bringing back a true slice of Americana is fine in our book. And I don't mind at all Taylor Hicks playing me in a biopic. Heck, I always wanted to sing and play the harmonica. I was one of the few kid show hosts who didn't sing or write songs. Plus, I could never get away with doing any funky dance moves that Taylor can easily get away with. It'll easily show me in a new light to a new generation."

Later, Kingston routed a message from the good Captain that things are much different up there where he was too. There's a restoration of body--plus even a heavenly version of 'American Idol' that goes year-round into eternity. Kingston then picked up a Polaroid camera and aimed it into the air. Supposedly, it was taking a picture of what Captain Kangaroo looks like now with a new healthy body and freedom to express himself in ways he couldn't do in life.

After it was over, TDD asked to have the Polaroid pic for inspection. After careful inspection, TDD published it in their article and let readers make their own conclusions:
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09/28/2006 5:35 AM Alert 
hahahahahahahahaha
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09/28/2006 6:41 AM Alert 
Posted By Trina on 09/27/2006 4:46 PM
Gosh, Don another good one that tickled my funnybone. Some of the youngsters on this site may not have ever heard of Captain Kangaroo. Paula would make a good Clarabell the clown.


I would be one of those people who have no clue who Captian Kangaroo or Claranell the clown are/
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09/28/2006 11:22 AM Alert 
I'm glad my subscription to The Daily Dung hasn't run out yet.
and YOU are either brothers, twins, the same person or a clone of Don or Greg.
We are definitely working together -- working on a record together. She sings so magnificently, it's just amazing -David Foster-
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10/26/2006 3:36 AM Alert 
Posted By Gregoriancant on 09/28/2006 4:20 AM
I can remember the last years of 'Captain Kangaroo' on Saturday mornings--even though I was more into the daily 'Sesame Street.' But before I digress on that--let me mention that The Daily Dung had to do a counter report on this Taylor story once it hit the newswires at THT today. TDD wanted to get a quote from Captain Kangaroo (Bob Keeshan) himself, despite several of the star reporters having to be reminded that Mr. Keeshan died over two years ago. You see, a lot of them have had their heads stuck in caves--among other places--for the last five years. It's only been in the last year that they found out the world was a little different from when they left it.

Not to be undeterred, though, Mr. Omni Present thought that the TDD should attempt to contact famous Hollywood psychic/medium to the dead stars, Kenny Kingston, to see if he could contact Captain Kangaroo to get a quote. Heading out to L.A.,TDD's reporters say Mr. Kingston has a new toupee now that looks fairly similar to Captain Kangaroo's old wig--but the reporters didn't find it overly distracting. Mr. Kingston seems to believe that he actually talks to dead Hollywood stars, so everybody went along with it. He knew the TDD reporters would be there, and set up a mini Captain Kangaroo seance complete with falling ping-pong balls, actual replicas of Mr. Moose, Bunny Rabbit and Dancing Bear sitting on chairs around the table...plus a cardboard cutout figure of Mr. Greenjeans standing nearby.

Upon first attempt at contact--Mr. Kingston's Captain Kangaroo wig started to levitate...which seemed to be a sign that Mr. Keeshan was communicating. Kingston's eyes then started rolling into the back of his head as he started talking in a soft, Captain Kangaroo-like voice. Nobody could figure why he was talking all in tongues at first though. Finally, the actual voice of Captain Kangaroo was coming through him, which I quote verbatim from TDD's article:

"Hello everybody! I'm doing just fine--and I actually enjoy 'American Idol' up here. All of us old-timers who appreciated TV bringing back a true slice of Americana is fine in our book. And I don't mind at all Taylor Hicks playing me in a biopic. Heck, I always wanted to sing and play the harmonica. I was one of the few kid show hosts who didn't sing or write songs. Plus, I could never get away with doing any funky dance moves that Taylor can easily get away with. It'll easily show me in a new light to a new generation."

Later, Kingston routed a message from the good Captain that things are much different up there where he was too. There's a restoration of body--plus even a heavenly version of 'American Idol' that goes year-round into eternity. Kingston then picked up a Polaroid camera and aimed it into the air. Supposedly, it was taking a picture of what Captain Kangaroo looks like now with a new healthy body and freedom to express himself in ways he couldn't do in life.

After it was over, TDD asked to have the Polaroid pic for inspection. After careful inspection, TDD published it in their article and let readers make their own conclusions:

Umm, Greg, are you like a ghost reporter/researcher at TDD? Seems like you don't have a direct hand at their rompings and goings-on in putting up a story..just wondering..
ALL YOU HATERS AND BASHERS, TAKE HEED!!!

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10/26/2006 4:03 AM Alert 
Posted By shinamarih on 10/26/2006 3:36 AM

Umm, Greg, are you like a ghost reporter/researcher at TDD? Seems like you don't have a direct hand at their rompings and goings-on in putting up a story..just wondering..





It's been a while, but in one of Don's past THT threads, I indicated I don't work directly for TDD. I just pass on the news from the free issues I get at my doorstep. I know some people who know the famous reporters there...even though I'd prefer a 10th degree of separation from them. But such is life when trying to distance yourself from people you're not quite sure are sane. Since I'd never spend my money on the issues you find in the checkout line (usually found behind two issues of the The National Enquirer), I just offer a free service imparting some of the most daring and provocative rag news available about Kat and the other idols.

Besides, it helps my creative writing to tell it in a third-person type of narrative. Trust me, TDD's writing style is quite clumsy and needs some proper grammar and better sentence structure to impart the amazing experiences those star reporters go through. In actuality, that recent experience in the recording studio was written all in Pig Latin. So I had to get a book on Pig Latin to decipher it all.  Then I found it was actually written in an even more ancient form of language called Weasel Latin...even though I was still able to get the gist of what happened thanks to some extremely ancient books I found at a rare book store that gave the history of Weasel Latin and how to decipher it.

By the way, there's an update on this Captain Kangaroo story. It seems that the good Captain won the Heavenly American Idol and is now making publicity appearances for corporate events in Hell. Don't worry, it's only a temporary visit. Besides, there isn't a single children's show host down there from all reports...except for a reserved spot for Pee-Wee Herman.
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10/26/2006 3:31 PM Alert 
Posted By Gregoriancant on 10/26/2006 4:03 AM
Posted By shinamarih on 10/26/2006 3:36 AM

Umm, Greg, are you like a ghost reporter/researcher at TDD? Seems like you don't have a direct hand at their rompings and goings-on in putting up a story..just wondering..




.

By the way, there's an update on this Captain Kangaroo story. It seems that the good Captain won the Heavenly American Idol and is now making publicity appearances for corporate events in Hell. Don't worry, it's only a temporary visit. Besides, there isn't a single children's show host down there from all reports...except for a reserved spot for Pee-Wee Herman.



Did the reporter have his cuppa joe while writing this.TDD is gettin' edgier.
We are definitely working together -- working on a record together. She sings so magnificently, it's just amazing -David Foster-
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10/26/2006 8:31 PM Alert 
Hey, perhaps Kat could make a "guest appearance" on the "Howdy Doody" show as "Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring!!!! She would be lovely!
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10/31/2006 9:03 PM Alert 
LMAO, this part fits Taylor perfectly..Hopefully he gets the role.
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