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Subject: "Paula Goes Fishing"

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Username: KatFan49
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Posts:624

Katharine Addict
Location: Just outside the Capitol of the Free World

Member Since 7/8/2006

10/02/2006 6:20 PM	Alert
The Hollywood Tattletale "If you subscribe to us...you need a life" Paula Goes Fishing Hollywood - Clueless Press International As most of you know by now, Randy Jackson of American Idol is teaming up with Morris the cat to rescue and provide adoptive families for 1 million homeless cats. We here at HT applaud his efforts, even though our last attempt to rescue the feral monster ravaging the dumpster behind our offices here ended in a disaster of epic proportions. A word to the wise - the homeless don't always want to be rescued and can put up quite a vigorous fight when cornered. That said, our sources have uncovered a cooperative effort between fish food companies Tuna Tails and Fuzzy Flakes and American Idol celebrity judge Paula Abdul. The program that has been developed will attempt to find people willing to provide shelter for homeless fish. "We understand that there are obstacles to a program like this," said an unnamed executive of the non-profit organization in charge of bringing the effort to the American people. "Most people are unfamiliar with what it takes to adequately provide for the needs of fish. We are willing to go the extra mile to make this a success by providing tanks, equipment and training for anyone willing to provide a home to a finned friend." Reached by phone, Ms. Abdul stated, "This is important. With all the wealth in the world, you would think something would have been done already to deal with this problem. After all, always having to move around looking for proper water temperatures and sources of food to insure survival of their families puts a tremendous strain on these creatures. We only want to help these poor fish live the lives God intended them to have. There must be billions, maybe trillions, of fish in the world without tanks, play castles, colored gravel, and plastic designer plants. We have to start somewhere." This might just be the answer to our problem with that feral devil in the back alley - a nice, grateful, no longer homeless barracuda.

Katharine's summer is full of hope, full of potential, and promises to provide many bouquets to grace the home that I call my heart. www.myspace.com/katfan49 www.myspace.com/katfia www.myspace.com/katspack

Username: Bigshady
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Location: SoCal

Member Since 4/8/2006

10/02/2006 10:34 PM	Alert
Homeless fish!?!? hahahahaha

Username: physicshater
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Location: Sacramento,CA

Member Since 5/13/2006

10/03/2006 10:48 AM	Alert
Posted By Bigshady on 10/02/2006 10:34 PM Homeless fish!?!? hahahahaha Exactly my thought! Hahahaha...!!

Username: collette_leyton
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10/04/2006 7:11 PM	Alert
Hahahaa!

Username: Gregoriancant
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Location: Oregon, USA

Member Since 5/26/2006

10/06/2006 4:14 AM	Alert
The Daily Dung contacted Paula about this a little late this week--even though it's still a revelant story. Below is a telephone transcript of a TDD interview with Paula conducted on 10/3 and will be printed in tomorrow's TDD: TDD: Hi, Paula. Could you tell us the true crux of why you're doing this for the homeless fish of the world? Paula: I was watching 'Finding Nemo' during our summer break from 'AI' and felt depressed that there could be other fish out there that are separated from their parents. Simon and Randy tried to tell me that the film was all something called 'puter animatation, CSI, or something like that. But they aren't going to tell me what's real and what isn't! TDD: Ummm...that was a CGI-animated film from Pixar. Paula: Oh, I love that show called 'CGI.' A little gory, maybe...but I wrote them hoping they'll do a 'CGI: 'AI' series offshoot. I have a few story ideas I'd like to contribute if they ever do it. TDD: So, how do you plan to scout out all the homeless fish in the world's seas so they get the right homes? Paula: My little goldfish, Goldie, told me last week that she'd volunteer the effort. She knows some Piranhas from the Caribbean too...so she'd have plenty of security escorts to travel the dangerous seas around the planet. She didn't want to wait, so I flushed her down my toilet yesterday morning. She promised she'd write back to let me know she made it through the first phase of surviving the sewers of L.A. TDD: So you're saying...Goldie the goldfish will be able to find homes for possibly millions of fish out there? Paula: Well, she's going to keep a record of where they live and then have them gathered up by fish net so they end up in pet stores around the world. Some of them may have to look at ornery kids impersonating them outside a giant fish bowl in those pet shops for a few years...but we're sure they'll all get homes before they die. Hey, I can do a pretty good fish impersonation. I may just try that on the next season of 'AI' when I really deplore someone. TDD: We wish you and Goldie well in making this become a reality. Though how do you plan to keep fishermen working who need to keep catching fish in order to stay employed? Paula: Oh dear God...I dated a fisherman once. He had the breath of an octopus...so I hope they get a different occupation. Besides, I almost choked on a salmon bone once. And being vegan makes you feel...at least somewhat better. TDD: I don't think they'll understand--but it's worth a shot. Paula: Hey, God may have provided fish when people were starving in biblical times--but do you really think the obese in America need another side of trout for dinner? TDD: What products will you provide to make sure these fish stay safe from the dangers of human life? Paula: Right now, I'm designing a fish bowl that provides an electric shock if a cat even thinks about jumping up and having a pet fish for dinner. It also works on people who like to do that 'swallow the fish' dare. TDD: Thanks for your time on explaining this. We're a little confused, but we'll allow you one more chance to wrap things up. Paula: Huh...I thought I explained it all. Well, I have to go right now. There's a giant calamari knocking on my door holding a giant suitcase full of encyclopedias. Plus, that singing and dancing fish wall ornament someone gave me for a Christmas gift just told me I'm crazy...so I have to go give him a good lesson. I'll let you know if I hear back from Goldie--though with this E Coli scare going around from spinach...there's a possibility she didn't survive the sewers...

Username: Bigshady
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10/09/2006 12:55 PM	Alert
Posted By Gregoriancant on 10/06/2006 4:14 AM Paula: I was watching 'Finding Nemo' during our summer break from 'AI' and felt depressed that there could be other fish out there that are separated from their parents. Simon and Randy tried to tell me that the film was all something called 'puter animatation, CSI, or something like that. But they aren't going to tell me what's real and what isn't! TDD: Ummm...that was a CGI-animated film from Pixar. Paula: Oh, I love that show called 'CGI.' A little gory, maybe...but I wrote them hoping they'll do a 'CGI: 'AI' series offshoot. I have a few story ideas I'd like to contribute if they ever do it. Haha! Nice!

Username: Minnie
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Katharine Addict
Location: Palo Alto, CA

Member Since 7/14/2006

10/10/2006 3:21 AM	Alert
Sounds purty fishy to moi

We are definitely working together -- working on a record together. She sings so magnificently, it's just amazing -David Foster-

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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction > "Paula Goes Fishing"

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