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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction
Subject: "McFugitive at Large"
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Username: KatFan49
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08/28/2006 2:25 PM Alert 

The Hollywood Tattletale
"If you subscribe to us...you need a life"

McFugitive at Large

Los Angeles - Clueless Press International   Los Angeles police today issued an all points bulletin for the apprehension of a suspect, wanted in conjunction with a scheme to hand out free glowsticks at the American Idol concert at Staples Center Saturday night.

Police are requesting the assistance of the public since law enforcement professionals have exhausted all leads. Unfortunately for officials, the suspect was officially witnessed only by a part-time security guard. By the time police were alerted to the crime, the suspect had vanished into the crowd waiting to enter the arena. He apparently changed clothes while running through the crowd, indicating a certain degree of professional resourcefulness.

"We have no idea how to find this person. We have no idea what he looks like or if he in fact even exists. All we have to go on is the word of a hired security guard, and we can't give a lot of credence to the report from this one witness. Some witnesses at the scene described the culprit as short and chubby, others as tall and lean, while others said the incident never occured. We got the distinct impression that these witnesses were attempting to help the suspect remain at large. One thing we do know is that rumors are beginning to circulate about the identity of this "person of interest".

"We are concerned that the rumors may overwhelm the truth. This person is rapidly gaining a reputation on a par with the fearsome Keyser Soze or even Robin Hood, and we certainly don't need another one of those. We need to either find this person, or determine that it is purely rumor and put it to rest."

At least one part of the story rings true. Witnesses admitted to this reporter that they had purposely given the authorities a false pronunciation of the suspect's name. On the scanner this morning, I heard the dispatcher issue the following:

"All units be advised that we are looking for a suspect. We do not have a description. We do not know where the suspect may be at this time. Suspect was last seen wearing an orange t-shirt. Suspect is not considered armed or dangerous. Suspect goes by the name Katy Doll."

Good luck finding this McFugitive.
Katharine's summer is full of hope, full of potential, and promises to provide many bouquets to grace the home that I call my heart.

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Username: arden15
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08/28/2006 2:40 PM Alert 
That's great KatFan!! I always enjoy your creativity!
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08/28/2006 3:24 PM Alert 
this man is on the case! 
img219/4653/barney20fifeyw5.jpg
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08/28/2006 3:29 PM Alert 


 
Username: Vadia
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08/28/2006 4:28 PM Alert 

ROTFLMBO!!!!!! 
I am laughing out loud at this thread!

 "Clueless Press International," "a certain degree of professionalism." Omigod, Don, you've got me in stitches over this article.

"..they had purposely given the authorities a false pronunciation of the suspect's name. Suspect goes by the name Katy Doll."
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08/28/2006 4:37 PM Alert 
it wasn't me, it was the one armed man.boy i gotta stop watching so much t.v.
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08/28/2006 4:47 PM Alert 
Posted By Vadia on 08/28/2006 4:28 PM

ROTFLMBO!!!!!! 
I am laughing out loud at this thread!

 "Clueless Press International," "a certain degree of professionalism." Omigod, Don, you've got me in stitches over this article.

"..they had purposely given the authorities a false pronunciation of the suspect's name. Suspect goes by the name Katy Doll."

Haha I know. I was cracking up when I heard the  mispronunciation of the name. hahaha. Kat Idol- Katty Doll. your very creative, HA. !!

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08/28/2006 9:30 PM Alert 
Wait, I think that guy is dead already..I think I saw him in the 'In Memoriam' montage last night at the Emmys..never the less, he just might be lurking somewhere looking for the elusive Katy Doll..I heard that person is as slippery as jelly.
ALL YOU HATERS AND BASHERS, TAKE HEED!!!

"One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean, take her or leave her, she will still be the same..Only the curious have something to find, it's KATHARINE on this side."

Excerpt from This Side by Nickelcreek

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Username: katidol
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08/28/2006 11:48 PM Alert 
LOL, you cracked me up on this. It's hilarious. I don't even know I'm on newspaper. Yeah, Katydoll is not a bad name either.
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08/29/2006 5:42 AM Alert 
Posted By Pilaf on 08/28/2006 3:24 PM
this man is on the case! 
img219/4653/barney20fifeyw5.jpg

The Fife is on the case!

God bless the late Don Knotts.
____


Well, I got my latest issue of The Daily Dung today--and they had a piece about this incident at the Staples Center. Omni Present and Toti Present were the two reporters placed on writing about the concert--while giving out a revelation that they had their own smuggling operation. It seems that they were going to pass out hundreds of orange, glow-in-the-dark whistles to try to get Katharine's attention better in the audience. Instead of having them arrive by truck, though, the reporters had them stuffed inside giant suitcases that they were going to smuggle inside the venue--and then pass them out to each person in the audience.

Of course, security stopped them at the door asking what was in the suitcases. Being the smart reporters they were, they mixed the whistles in with other regular items that looked like common items you'd bring with you to a concert. Because they were suitcases...the security became suspicious. Besides, the two reporters are known for having shifty eyes, which most security look for in determining who may be a terrorist. While detaining them at the door, security called out to two police officers who were already busy looking for someone around the area who was said to be smuggling in glowsticks. TDD's two intrepid reporters, always fearing police meddling into their lives, took off running with suitcases in tow. While passing around one corner of the venue, they almost ran into a man who was panting for breath and tearing off an orange shirt that said something about being a glowstick volunteer. Omni and Toti are also masters of being chameleons, so they asked the man for items of his own clothing to wear on them so they could avert being arrested. The man obliged and Omni wore the man's orange T-shirt inside-out...while Toti took her own shirt off that said 'Ragz Rule.' Fortunately, Toti was wearing another shirt underneath...despite almost being see-through...

Which leads to their next move: Emptying the suitcases and stuffing themselves with those orange, glow-in-the-dark whistles. And stuffed they did--sticking them under their shirts, inside their pants and even in their mouth. They had so many in their mouths that their cheeks looked bloated, but they figured the fake medical cards they had that said they had a metabolism problem would help it look convincing.

Going through the line, the ticket-takers gave the two reporters strange stares...especially when Omni stuffed too many whistles into his pants. When the ticket-taker sarcastically asked him if he was excited about the concert, Omni answered with a definite 'Yes'---even though it didn't seem to be noticed that a discordant whistle emanated from his mouth instead.

Now successfully in with the whistles, they started passing them out to people in the crowd. One fan came over to Toti and hit her on the back out of excitement in their doing this for the fans. That's when about 25 orange whistles were digested by Ms. Toti Present. And when people saw Omni taking the whistles out of his pants, they decided not to use them. Most were just stuffed in people's pockets or dropped on the floor in favour of the orange glowsticks that seemed to manage to get in to a small degree.

During most of Katharine's performances, rumours are that Katharine asked one of the musicians what that strange whistle sound was emanating from someone in the audience. Little did she know that Toti is still emanating whistle sounds until the whistles are completely digested out of her body.

Omni and Toti also reported that there was an anti-Taylor contingent that had their own smuggling mission foiled. It seems they were going to bring in 10,000 whoopie cushions that would go off simultaneously when Taylor performed. Rumours are persisting now that the confiscated whoopie cushions ended up in various places around the venue. When some of the Staples Center security accidentally sat on some of them during an important staff meeting the next day...half of them were fired by Staples management.

There's a little aside in this article that says something about Staples Center adding whoopie cushions to the prohibition list of things not allowed in the venue. Apparently the previously offbeat item of brooms weren't allowed either because it turned out a past security guard was a witch who was responsible for making the Lakers fall apart.
Username: shinamarih
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08/30/2006 3:31 AM Alert 
what? how can i get my stories done then? *sad*
ALL YOU HATERS AND BASHERS, TAKE HEED!!!

"One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean, take her or leave her, she will still be the same..Only the curious have something to find, it's KATHARINE on this side."

Excerpt from This Side by Nickelcreek

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please check out my blog!!!

http://musingsandmumblings.blogspot.com
Username: Yuvaram
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08/30/2006 7:18 AM Alert 
Posted By shinamarih on 08/30/2006 3:31 AM
what? how can i get my stories done then? *sad*


Hehe! *Hides the green McPheenger* I think it's done enough for now! Ahh... revenge is sweet.But wait.. is this revenge?

(To be continued..)

Username: bian
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09/04/2006 5:19 AM Alert 
hahaha - this is so funny - Don - OMG - my sides are hurting !
Username: shinamarih
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09/05/2006 9:10 PM Alert 
Posted By n/a on 08/30/2006 7:18 AM
Hehe! *Hides the green McPheenger* I think it's done enough for now! Ahh... revenge is sweet.But wait.. is this revenge?

(To be continued..)
 
*quietly sobs while embracing yellow orange broom*
ALL YOU HATERS AND BASHERS, TAKE HEED!!!

"One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean, take her or leave her, she will still be the same..Only the curious have something to find, it's KATHARINE on this side."

Excerpt from This Side by Nickelcreek

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please check out my blog!!!

http://musingsandmumblings.blogspot.com
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Forums > American Idol > American Idol Satire and Fiction > "McFugitive at Large"


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