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Subject: Clay Aiken Claymates Make Katherine McPhee McFlee

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Username: NothlitHawk777
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08/25/2006 9:14 PM

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I didn't write this.

http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish/20060816_22_claymates.shtml

Clay Aiken Claymates Make Katherine McPhee McFlee
By Matthew Congdon
Aug 16, 2006, 07:07

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - It's been a bummer summer for America's latest idol runner up, Katherine McPhee. First a nasty bought of bronchitis, then a fractured foot, and now rumors are swirling that her "conditions" might be an elaborate cover designed to keep McPhee out of sight and on the lamb.

But, Katherine, why all the fakin'?

Insiders tell us, look no further than Clay Aiken's lethally loyal fan base, the so-called Claymates. Ever since the twin number-twos shared a few laughs and exchanged hair tips during last May's American Idol season 5 finale, fans have insisted there were some serious Simon-Paula sparks flying backstage. Although Katherine has acknowledged boyfriend Nick Cokas, and Clay is "still looking," it seems a moot point for the Claymates, who've caught the Katherine McFever—whether Clay likes it or not.

According to a close chum of the shaken chanteuse, "At first it was just some extra fan mail, you know, 'Oh, you and Clay would make a cute couple.' Then the calls, the e-mails, and the IMs. Then these Claymates started showing up backstage on the Idol tour with pictures of wedding dresses, saying how she should be gentile with him on the wedding night. She tried to brush it off—but, it's just gone downhill since. "

And what was the final straw?

"We were out to dinner and the waitress said she had something special for us, then she dropped off this crock of hasenpfeffer with a note attached that said, 'Clay will not be ignored.' Katherine's pretty much been on the d.l. ever since."

All this comes close on the heels of reports that the rabidly fun-loving Aiken fans have ramped up their devotion to just plain rabid. Guards for the Scene Pavilion in Cleveland, Ohio, described one recent concert where the shenanigans left security stunned.

"They started this whole Wicca-pagan dance thing," one said. "They all carried banners needlepointed with slogans like 'Quakin' for Aiken' and 'Repent for Claytopia' while they circled a maypole—sorry, Claypole."

Recalling the seething sea of Clay sweatshirts, braces, orthopedic shoes, pigtails, and blue rinses, he said shakily, "It was like all of Branson, Missouri, on crack."

Another guard put it more bluntly: "You ever see Day of the Locusts?"

Celebratty chatter met with self-described Claymaniac Bertha Nussbaum of Grand Rapids, Michigan, who chairs a powerful local chapter of the fan club, The Clay Court, to discuss the whole McPhee idol sacrifice.

"Well, she's just such a nice girl," said Nussbaum, "the kind we think Clay's been holding out for. They have so much in common. Both so young, both so talented, both so robbed of the first place they deserved . . . they understand each other."

What about Katherine's objections to the love match?

"She's just high spirited," Mrs. Nussbaum said, pouring tea into her cheery, limited edition Thomas Kincaid mugs. "Maybe a little too high spirited—but no matter. Our Clay can be the bridge for her troubled waters. She'll come around."

And what about Clay's seemingly utter lack of interest in this designated female?

"We know what's best for him. After all, we made him who he is today. He won't disappoint us," she said between bites of her award-winning pecan sandies."

Reps for Mr. Aiken had no comment and continue to deny any motivated moves toward Ms. McPhee. In fact, when spied recently slipping on a pair of natty stripped socks at a Paul Smith in lower Manhattan, Clay seemed visibly nervous at the talk of his fans' plans for wedded bliss.

"Golly, gee . . . well, golly," he said, then disappeared behind large sunglasses and even larger bodyguards.

Ms. McPhee, we hear, has found support from former idols Kimberly Locke and Diana Degarmo, both of whom have gone through their own "personal hell" due to fan-proposed "Claydates." Meanwhile, reps for Katherine insist she will be back on the American Idol tour soon.

We asked if this included the scheduled August 26 stop at Los Angeles' Staples Center, where a rowdy crowd of Claymates are already roosting in anticipation of the upcoming release of the new Aiken CD, A Thousand Different Ways.

"No way," her publicist replied. " She's not goin' to Hollywood."

"I think it was the summertime when I laid eyes on you. I didn't even know your name...The boy you never wanted just steals your heart..."--Kat McPhee, Love Story

"4 walls and no you. The silence in this room is so loud...wow"--Kat McPhee, I Lost You

"I didn't see the crash that burnt the bridge, didn't see the missile that sank my loveship down..."--Kat McPhee, Dangerous

"Wanting you to be wanting me, no that ain't no way to be...You never were a friend of mine..."--Kat McPhee, Over It

"No more lonely nights to hurt me, no more tears left to spare, no more reasons to be unhappy. You threw them all up in the air..."--Kat McPhee, Each Other

"Your pedicure, white-tipped French. Your legs don't make no sense...Shoes like these make me hate flats..."--Kat McPhee, Open Toes

Username: MY_Idol_Katharine
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08/25/2006 9:22 PM	Alert
eeehh! i think she should stay with Nick. she seems so happy with him. but hey.. i could be wrong?

Username: bubba
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08/25/2006 9:33 PM	Alert
rumors rumors rumors rumors rumors

Username: megustajake
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08/25/2006 9:38 PM	Alert
Oh brother, this is ridiculous. EDIT: Oh, I'm in the satire forum! Thank goodness, lol.

Username: KatFan49
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08/26/2006 12:20 AM	Alert
I'm sorry, but this has to be one of the most poorly written pieces of satirical drivel I've ever read. Sort of like some of the really bad stuff written for Saturday Night Live.

Katharine's summer is full of hope, full of potential, and promises to provide many bouquets to grace the home that I call my heart. www.myspace.com/katfan49 www.myspace.com/katfia www.myspace.com/katspack

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08/27/2006 8:03 PM	Alert
Posted By KatFan49 on 08/26/2006 12:20 AM I'm sorry, but this has to be one of the most poorly written pieces of satirical drivel I've ever read. Sort of like some of the really bad stuff written for Saturday Night Live. Have to agree with ya Don.

ALL YOU HATERS AND BASHERS, TAKE HEED!!! "One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean, take her or leave her, she will still be the same..Only the curious have something to find, it's KATHARINE on this side." Excerpt from This Side by Nickelcreek ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please check out my blog!!! http://musingsandmumblings.blogspot.com

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09/04/2006 5:24 AM	Alert
lol

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