The Daily Dung (Fly on the Stage Reports)--"'Jaw-smashing mics', 'To McBoot or Not to McBoot' and other assorted 'AI' stage events so far..." > Katharine McPhee Forums

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Subject: The Daily Dung (Fly on the Stage Reports)--"'Jaw-smashing mics', 'To McBoot or Not to McBoot' and other assorted 'AI' stage events so far..."

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Username: Gregoriancant
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Posts:3706

Katharine Addict
Location: Oregon, USA

Member Since 5/26/2006

08/25/2006 9:07 AM	Alert
TDD’s Mr. Omni Scient has managed to place himself in some fairly precarious places to get stories other rags would die to get...if not have reporters die in the process. But in the Friday (8/25) edition of TDD—they reveal for the first time Mr. Scient’s unnoticed secret ability to get right out on stage during some of the performances along the ‘AI’ tour route without being turned into a human pretzel by people named Dolph. Below are his verbatim personal summaries of some of the experiences and insights he’s managed to get while being out on stage during Katharine’s performances or when she was in a group number: ‘Holy Cow Spit!’— I managed to get a fake temp job as an animal feeder in the livestock barn at the Kentucky State Fair when the ‘AI’ tour arrived there recently. I figured that I could probably manage to get at least backstage posing as a Taylor fan and billing myself as his 18th cousin in Birmingham who performs there doing a solo dueling banjos act. Learning to play the banjo with both my arms and my feet was no easy task…but I, Omni Scient, can do anything. Of course, because Taylor was usually around Katharine, I’d be able to overhear anything interesting from her. Fortunately, I managed to land a backstage pass when an ‘AI’ manager told me that Taylor wanted to meet with me and do an after-hours southern jam session with me during the after party. There was also some rumour that all the idols (while in the south) were taking part in hootenannies after the after parties, though I took that with a grain of Cajun-styled salt. Cut to an hour before the show starts. Being the forward-thinking man that I am, I knew that Katharine and/or Kellie would pay a visit to the livestock barn. After all, I’d heard rumors that Katharine and Kellie were in the livestock barn at the Indianapolis State Fair a day earlier. Though I was as far removed from really knowing anything about cows, I learned quickly how to take care of them. But when I spotted Katharine walking in and kissing the cows—I looked at my cows and realized that the ones belonging to me probably needed to freshen their breath a little. One of the cuter-looking ones seemed to have a real bad problem with too much cud-chewing and halitosis. I figured if cows could chew on cud—maybe they could also chew on a breath mint. I had a packet of Liquid Ice chewable mints in my pocket that I conveniently slipped into this cow’s mouth. Sure enough, my predictions were right that Kat took to this cow. This cow in my bunch was always friendly to people and seemed to always look at itself admiringly in the reflective glass across the way. I didn’t say a word to Kat while she affectionately petted and smooched on this cow. Unfortunately, the cow didn’t apparently take to the Liquid Ice mints and started spewing saliva all over the place just as Kat leaned in to kiss him on the nose. Later, I heard that she loved the cow spit...maybe because it was Alpine Splash cow spit. Right after word got out that Kat loved the cows—an ‘AI’ rep came up to me and asked me if I could bring that cow out on stage during the ‘Living in America’ number (by request of Katharine) so the idols could do some of their choreography around Kat’s fave cow. I don’t know if that cow was a descendant of super-intelligent cows, but it let out a perfectly-timed and loud “Moo” right after the “Got to have a celebration” line during the ‘Living in America’ number. But then the Liquid Ice must have gone through it—and it dropped a present from its bovine colon on stage as Taylor soloed during the song. Also, Katharine accidentally stepped in it with her black cast while coming down the ramp with the girls. Needless to say, I was banned from the after party—and will never get to experience an ‘AI’ version of a hootenanny. _____ ‘To McBoot Or Not to McBoot’— And that was the question on a night with the ‘AI’ tour in the Midwest recently while cunningly managing to get onstage during Katharine McPhee’s numbers. Because I’m a lifelong chameleon, I managed to change my appearance to look just like that box drummer who plays next to Katharine during her ‘Black Horse and a Cherry Tree’ number. I won’t say what I did with the real box drummer—but let me just mention that he’s fine and he now thinks he actually performed that night rather than being knocked out for three hours in the trunk of my car. There were rumours circulating that Katharine had decided she’d had enough of the McBoot and was going to go without it on this night while performing. Sure enough, when she came out to perform, she didn’t have it on. And she seemed to be moving fairly well without it—if staring at me funny because her box drummer was having some kind of fascination with her bare left foot. Hopefully she didn’t notice that I had no idea how to play the box drum correctly—because I merely tapped out chopsticks on the box while she sang ‘Black Horse.’ Fortunately, the stage lights went off just when the box collapsed underneath me. I was intending to go on a diet soon, but I should have known to use the actual box drum rather than sit on a fake, cardboard box. I’d also heard rumors of Katharine calling her McBoot “Obnoxious” in a letter she wrote to her fans on Katharinefans.com (where I lurk when I have the time). This didn’t sound right to me calling a thing that adjective. So, still in the guise of the box drummer—I asked some personnel backstage if they’d seen Katharine’s boot cast sitting around anywhere that night. One stagehand confided in me that the thing had eerily become alive and was throwing insults at Katharine and to anybody else who got in its way. I knew where Katharine’s dressing room was—and while passing by the door, I thought I could hear some raspy-sounding voice spewing what sounded like insults that would make guests at a celebrity roast blush. The door was unlocked. Since nobody was around, I just went in and encountered the obnoxious McBoot. I won’t repeat the insults the McBoot spouted for a family publication (even though I just got the memo this is a family publication)—but let’s say that I heard more insults about box drumming that would cause any box drummer to retire early. Worse yet, along with that raspy voice...it smoked a giant Cuban cigar. That giant unibrow and horrible cackle after the insults weren’t pretty either. No wonder Kat wanted to ditch it for at least one night. But she’s used to dealing with obnoxious people on occasion who seem to attach to her like a ball and chain. Only a couple more week’s worth of that shouldn’t matter...unless her doctor can replace it with a Gandhi-quoting boot instead. ______ ‘Jaw Breaker’— No, that has nothing to do with the Idols’ favourite candy while on the ‘AI’ tour (rumour is that many are seen sucking on ring pops while in the Midwest), but what seemed—at first sight---to happen in Peoria the other night with a microphone belonging to Chris Daughtry. I once again managed to be near the stage as one of those camera operators who project images up on the big screen. The one I replaced was in the same place I put the knocked-out box drummer a week earlier for a few hours. Though rumour now is that the real camera operator is seeking me out for actually remembering he wasn’t there for work and seeing the face of the guy who hit him over the head with a glowstick. It was during the ‘Living in America’ number on this night and Chris seemed to really be getting into it. Some insiders had told me that he was peeved because he kept getting shoved to the back of that line the idols form at the end of ‘Living in America’ in each city recently. This night, it was said, he was going to show the audience that he deserved the spotlight on this number for at least one night. As he stood next to Kat, he did one of those old showbiz 'outstretched arms' poses to absorb all the love from his fans. Just as he did that, he didn’t realize that Kat’s head was right near his right arm. From my initial vantage point, it appeared he hit her straight in the jaw with his microphone by accident. Kat just laughed about it—but was definitely holding her jaw at the end of the set. Chris did that same ‘arms outstretched’ move one more time…this time nearly knocking Taylor over onto my camera and a mouth harp going down my windpipe. I gave thanks afterward for another potential accident averted. Later, some stage personnel told me that fans of Chris had sent him his own gift basket earlier that week. Included was some kind of new candy called ‘Microphone Sticks’ that were chewy confections (similar to licorice) in the shape of a microphone. It made me think back to that microphone that hit Kat and my initial thought that it didn’t really look like a real microphone. Little did anyone know that while I operated that camera, I had it recording my own private DVD of the show—so I had to go play it back to see that microphone again. Upon closer inspection and multiple playbacks, it appears to me that Chris’s microphone that hit Kat was actually one of those candied ‘Microphone Sticks.’ It also appeared that Chris had taken a bite out of it first—and then it just happened to go in front of Kat’s face where she then took a quick bite of it herself. Whether Chris intended to share is arguable. But from all indications, Kat may have chewed on her piece wrong and did something to hurt one of her McTeeth...hence holding her jaw at the end. Reports are now that Chris will give each idol their own Microphone Stick and that Kat will take a bite out of hers every night for the remainder of the tour after she’s done singing ‘Over the Rainbow.' Be sure to watch for that, because hers might be pink. And that candy reportedly gives everybody a lengthy sugar high to get them through the after parties. ______ “Kat Thinks ‘Think’...Therefore She Will”— My thinking thinkmeisters have told me that Kat was seen rehearsing ‘Think’ recently, I think. Therefore, I think she’s doing this as preparation for her homecoming in L.A. on August 26. I think it makes sense, therefore I say that I think ‘AI’ should let her sing ‘Think’—even though I think ‘Think’ was reportedly not her favorite. Therefore if she will sing ‘Think’, let’s assume that she’ll think that ‘Think’ is out of contract requirements—thinking that she therefore thinks “I am” is contradictory to sheer will. I think that’s wrong…and therefore she should think ‘Until You Come Back to Me’ and therefore say “I do” rather than “I am.” But I think thinking about seeing the McBounce again is therefore a sheer act of think that therefore I am thinking a lot about. But somehow I think of the think Kat will think that therefore will lead to her saying “I am” when she’s on her solo tour that therefore will be no immediate requirement for singing ‘Think’…or so we think. “Freedom...freedom...freedom...at last.” And thank you Rene Descartes for not spinning in your grave…