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McFugitive at LargeLos Angeles - Clueless Press International Los Angeles police today issued an all points bulletin for the apprehension of a suspect, wanted in conjunction with a scheme to hand out free glowsticks at the American Idol concert at Staples Center Saturday night.
Police are requesting the assistance of the public since law enforcement professionals have exhausted all leads. Unfortunately for officials, the suspect was officially witnessed only by a part-time security guard. By the time police were alerted to the crime, the suspect had vanished into the crowd waiting to enter the arena. He apparently changed clothes while running through the crowd, indicating a certain degree of professional resourcefulness.
"We have no idea how to find this person. We have no idea what he looks like or if he in fact even exists. All we have to go on is the word of a hired security guard, and we can't give a lot of credence to the report from this one witness. Some witnesses at the scene described the culprit as short and chubby, others as tall and lean, while others said the incident never occured. We got the distinct impression that these witnesses were attempting to help the suspect remain at large. One thing we do know is that rumors are beginning to circulate about the identity of this "person of interest".
"We are concerned that the rumors may overwhelm the truth. This person is rapidly gaining a reputation on a par with the fearsome Keyser Soze or even Robin Hood, and we certainly don't need another one of those. We need to either find this person, or determine that it is purely rumor and put it to rest."
At least one part of the story rings true. Witnesses admitted to this reporter that they had purposely given the authorities a false pronunciation of the suspect's name. On the scanner this morning, I heard the dispatcher issue the following:
"All units be advised that we are looking for a suspect. We do not have a description. We do not know where the suspect may be at this time. Suspect was last seen wearing an orange t-shirt. Suspect is not considered armed or dangerous. Suspect goes by the name Katy Doll."
Good luck finding this McFugitive.